I don’t know when it happened, I just realized I was here. The place I had lost sight of and felt was never near. A place of contentment and wellbeing inside. A place that myself could rest and abide. The journey not easy, not like I thought it would be. Steep mountain climbs to the truth, made me question all that was me. I doubted God’s motives and wanted to hide from the past that loomed up and engulfed like…
In my mind and far away, I escape myself and avoid this day. Disconnected and shut down, oh God I really do want to drown. I dream of places where I’m not me, where my life could be easy and I can just be. Avoiding life and how I feel, the feelings deep down that I repeal. I find inside a place that hides, the broken ones with all their lies. The words of curse that broke me down, that…
My body lay still, as cold as the day. I’d left and gone but it hadn’t been long. Holy spirit said softly, “You can wait here with me, but you’ll need to go back as soon you’ll see.” I looked at my body so separate from me my body was vacant, that was easy to see. Can’t I stay here with you and let my days be quite few? “I have plans for you to finish, purpose and such You’ll need…
We stood together you and I, discussing the journey about to begin, one fraught with danger and with sin. A journey of life laid out in my book, would I go do this with the courage it took? Jesus showed me the traps, the hardships and pain. He looked in my eyes, I felt the strength that I gained. He showed me my purpose to embrace in my life. He showed me the victory over the strife. Emboldened and strong,…
God, you seem so far away, why won’t you help me keep fear at bay? I’ve asked for help to find my way. Why can I not hear you say, “I see you child with your feet of clay.” I cover myself as best I can, and hold it all back behind the dam. God, where are you? Where did you go? I feel you left me here even though, I pushed you away and with hurt and anger, I…
Fear of feelings from those wicked dealings control thoughts and keep minds reeling. Childhood trauma pushing out impacting the body with such clout. Sudden chills and stabbing pains make no sense and feel insane. Night time terrors waking up Oh God! I don’t want to drink this cup. Intrusive thoughts to end it now plotting and planning on just how. Help me, Jesus, I do want to live Help me out of this crazy sieve. By Barbara Lepson.